When I was younger, I always wanted to be a hero. You know, strong, fast and there to help people (obviously). A hero is the kind of character I base my own personality around.
For the past few years, we have lived in a media dominated generation and appearance has been severely emphasised. My primary school crush called me ugly once, I was about 10 or something. It made me cry. Throughout my early years at secondary school, I was called ugly. I used to hear girls talk about how they wanted 'tall, dark and handsome' - I built myself around those insults and I prayed for the day, I was tall, dark and handsome. God has given me some kind of beauty as I have got older, them insults such as ugly, do not come around as often. This is not vanity, this is me being thankful.
Recently I was asked why I take topless photos, I'll tell you why. I have been skinny, I have been out of shape and most recently I have been in the best shape of my life. Some have seen me skinny, some have seen me out of sorts and now everyone can see me at my best. Do I need to explain? It is not about me trying to show off, it is my revenge to those who made fun of what I looked like. I wasn't gifted the physique I currently have, I worked and prayed for it. So what motivated me to work on my physique? They wanted tall, dark and handsome? Here you go, but not for you, not for me, but for the child that was mocked for how he appeared. Please, intention is NOT attention and we live in a confused society that fails to differentiate the two. I will carry on showing those people my progression, after all; they were my motivation. I am not even halfway yet. But like I said, I wanted to be a hero when I was younger. I helped myself, maybe after reading this, I've helped you too. You can be whatever you want to be. P.S. I am much grateful.
Before you start reading this blog post, please read Part 1 by clicking HERE. So what did I do after failing my GCSEs? I moved back to my birth place in Reading to live with my grandparents. I had always told my grandfather (whom I had an extremely strong relationship with) that I was to come and stay with him and my grandma whilst I was living in Oxford, and I did. The bad people that I had got involved with would say that 'I ran away' and yes, I did. I saw an opportunity to grab a new life and move on from the life I hated waking up to and I ran towards it. The best decision I had ever made.
My granddad was ill, therefore moving to Reading was ideal for me, he was my best friend, where else would I rather be? The first few weeks however were really difficult for me. I had to adjust to staying in all the time, eating the same food my grandparents ate and not having any video games or siblings to keep me occupied. I had to make new friends and adjust to a new environment. My first day at college was pretty weird. I felt almost like a lost child, I knew what I was doing here but I didn't know how I got here. I spent most of my class times day dreaming, a bad habit from my school days, where I paid no attention whatsoever. I remember two pretty girls were checking me out, well, at least I thought they were until one of them said "He's ugly." - Man, the amount of times I had got home and looked at myself in the mirror that day. I wasn't very confident, my college days were probably my most unattractive days. Here's a video of me from my first year at college, for your entertainment (Skip to 5.27):
As the academic year went by, I made a few friends, decent lads. We all shared something in common; we fu.... Messed up. When results day came, a few of us failed, a few passed and the rest did okay. I had passed but not the way I wanted to pass. The highest grade I got was a B in English. My only above C grade. I sucked at Maths and got a D, had another year in college doing 2 A-Levels and GCSE maths. Failed Maths again in second year, I didn't give up, I took Maths again the following year whilst doing my A2's. Failed again. I didn't get the A Level grades I wanted either so I retook a few modules the following year and I did okay, but I failed Maths again for the fourth time. I made it to university though. There were several times that I wanted to give up, but I didn't. Even through numerous failures I carried on.
My flaw was revision. No matter what I did, I could not steadily focus on revising. Revision is a skill, and it was a skill I should have developed at school. Hey, I even made and released a few songs days before my exams, but the point being is that I still TRIED. If you are in a similar situation, YOU can go one step further than me. You can try and try hard. Revise, find the easiest way to revise for yourself and get grades that I never got and feel great about yourself! If not, get something at least... You know what they say, time is money; invest it and you're sure to get some sort of return. I dislike when people say that if you are not hitting high grades academically then you are stupid. Take no notice, I know A* students that lack basic common sense! In fact, I know A* students that are in prison! Surely, if you are an intellectual human being, you wouldn't be dumb enough to get jailed, right? My grades were not great, but grades and qualifications on a paper do not compare to experience - something books do not give you!
I respect anyone who tries to go the full distance, rather than someone who just accepts failure. I go to the gym 6 times a week and each day I see the same obese man trying his best to work out. He struggles in the gym but the fact that he is there every day is extremely respectable. Your future is in your hands.
Boys, you need to drop the macho acts, forget the girls and throw away your ego. No one remembers you for how much of a bad boy you were at school, they remember you for the bad boy you grew up to be, a thug or a failure. Harsh truth. The girls are much more attractive when you're older, and I'm not talking about the same ones you find attractive now. Plus, no elegant woman is going to find a man with no ambition and an immature ego attractive. You want an elegant woman to be the mother of your children right?
Girls. you are beautiful, you have it all going for you; don't throw it away. Don't waste your time chasing boys or older men who only want to take advantage of your youthfulness. The boys are not the MAN you will eventually marry, and these older dudes are not getting any girls their own age for a reason. Wait till you are old enough to find a man that mirrors a male that inspires you, that could be your father (obviously from an adolescent girls perspective). If you chase a man because he has cool tattoos, big muscles or because you're attracted to a specific race, you are insulting such men as your loving fathers and brothers; who are not mixed race guys with tattoos, for example.
You are growing up; as your age increases, let your awareness increase, let your eyelids rise and see life for what it really is. Be a better person than me, and millions of other people in the world. You can be the best, it's all up to you.
